I'm goin' to San Diego...
--BABY NORM rev. 2 ---
-- And the news just keeps on gettin' better... Brooke Burke is now available... Brooke my cell number is 815-NORM
-- How come little kids know how to throw a real curve ball... n' I don't... even though I played like 7 years of little league
-- One of my favorite movies... The Jerk... 26th Anniversary Edition?
-- Once again... spyder-fonix.com does not make the list of top blogs... it's cause we don't have any hot chix posting here... who wants to hear stuff from a bunch of geeks
-- Stop Emo Haircuts... this is funny cause one of the guys in this group of pictures was in my "Class"
-- I am going down to the Street Scene over in San Diego this weekend
-- The Family Guy is the 'ish... Chris ends up in an 80's music video
-- The History of SNL's Black Dudes
-- Screw makin' beer... let's make some Moonshine Whiskey
-- July is American Beer Month... celebrate by having a few... don't mind if if do
-- Vin Scully is still the 'ish
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
news and views - by Grey
 | "Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them."
~Will Rogers
It's a crazy world we live in...
here's the news...
|
A guide to the height difference between Tom, and Katie... proving once again, there are some people who have too much time on their hands besides Norm.
Someone should tell Collin, a sex tape is a career booster
Woman strips in court, this story was werid enough as it is, but then they put a slide show so you can see what happend in the court room... weird...
baggage handler is a terrorist rapper... you gotta be ufcking kidding me right?!?! how do you make people this stupid...???
pencil fighting champ 1990
Losers guide to being single, a good single guy, is a good wingman...
A lil league coach pays another kid, to hit a mentally challenged kid, with a ball, in the head, and in the nuts, so he doesn't have to play him... Move over Billy Bob
Brunette Jokes, told by a blonde
~grey out
wing man
I'm a computer nerd... Even the girls who can stand me, end up getting mad at me, and arguing... I am not quite the ladies, man... but because of this I am a great wingman... and you can be too...
Greys OP. ED. section #2...
The Wingman.
One of the most prized and storied figures in the history of man. Many have paid homage and tribute to the wingman but few understand the basic underlying concepts of being a good wingman. In my esteemed glory days of drinking I have put together wingman performances that would make John Stockton proud. From fending off fat hog friends to illustrious performances where you distracted a girl's boyfriend by doing shots with him while your buddy makes out with her on the dance floor. A good wingman has led many a man to the promised land. So lets break it down like M.C. Hammer and get started here.
1. Controlling your own team.One of the most important and overlooked aspects of being a star wingman is keeping your house in order. Normally when we roll out to the bar we go with 3 or 4 guys. Out of this group you will always have one habitual cock blocker ( think Bob's lil brother, or Ricky ). For some reason, intentional or unintentional, this douchebag only wants to see his buddy succeed if he's getting laid too. The most sucessful way to get his punk ass out of the picture is to tell him that some girl that's way out of his league has been giving him the eye all night, from that point forward his head so big you can easily make sure your best buddy isn't going to be sabatoged by a Judas. The other member of the team to look out for is the overly drunk dude. ( I dont wanna name names, but Norm, you know who you are ) The easiest way to keep your Billy Joel consuming buddy in line is to lay off constant shots, stick to beer (unless there are chix involved) this should at least avoid him getting kicked out at 11:30 for fighting a bouncer. Your boy's gonna have competition and you have to be ready to warn him when that damn Colin Farrel look a like comes and takes away your boy's prized possesion. Remember keeping your team in line should be the easiest part of success for the night but it is often one of the most overlooked factors.
2. Taking Out the Offensive LineOne of the most difficult parts of the night is taking out the other teams protection. Most often girls role in this type of pack: the fat one, the ugly one, the one with a boyfriend (and is loyal) and insert eligible girl here. A sucessful wingman does not even have to hook up with one of the unholy trinity to get his buddy some tlc. The most important aspect of scoping out the defense is finding out which one is responsible for getting the group home. More often than not it's the ugly one. YOU WILL run into situations where the ugly one doubles as the sober/lesbian one. To get by that hurdle you need a Bill Belichek type scheme, but it can be done. More often than not the fat one can be distracted at the end of the night by a late night pizza run. One of my favorite all time moves is having the really drunk friend go off with the fat one, this provides the highest of entertainment when you wake up to piss at 6:30 and it looks like your buddy skinned a cheetah. Picking off the ugly one is a little bit tougher. Often this can be done by trying to have some of intellectual conversation wtih her. You don't need to agree with her but if you tell her that all women need be kept barefoot and pregnant you are going to hurt your buddies chances. The loyal girlfriend is the easiest to lull into the wingman's confidence. Ask her a question about her boyfriend, then tell her shit about your girlfriend. Even if you don't have a girlfriend make one up, remember your trying to get your buddy laid here, not yourself. To many men get selfish at the end of the night and think that both guys can score, but lets keep it simple. Note: If all four girls are drinking its your responsiblity to buy rounds and rounds of shots. Your buddy will be scoped out as a Sniping Rapist if he does it but if the wingman does it your buddy gets amnesity. Figure out the financials later, your Karl Malone Power Forward friend should feel obligated to pay you back in the morning and if he doesn't just hope that when you are in the role of scorer that he does the same for you.
3. Making your buddy into a sucessful studPerception is reality. Bringing up the time your buddy hooked up with an oompa loompa or Rosie O"Donnell always inspires a few laughs but now is not the time. Your probabaly going to hurt your buddies chances if you mention that rash he got on spring break as well. Lying is 100% acceptable when your amigo has a chance to get laid. (Remember you aren't dating some skank you bang at the bar and if you do, quite frankly I don't want you on my team.) Lying can always be tricky though, remember to get your story straight before you go out the bars. Don't try and fix it up to nice either that shirt may say Harvard but that 8 dollar hair cut says Chaffey. Make do with what you got and embellish for the rest of it. Don't make up fake names thats the easiest way to get busted. Do make up fake jobs. Assitant Manager of the night crew at Costco doesn't sound sexy, Investment Banker does. Don't know anything about the industry? Don't sweat it. If this chick is stupid enough to screw your friend she is far too stupid to know what the hell you are talking about anyway. Never mention that you are from around the area if you are, girls feel easier about having a one night circus sex romp with a visitor. Sure you might feel like you have an in if you start mentioning all the mutual people you know but in reality this whore is just going to feel uncomfortable that someone she knows and wants to have respect them finds out that your boy just did her.
4. The Final DriveJohn Elway, Tom Brady, Michael Jordan, Tony Danza. All these guys knew that all the matters is crunch time. The last fifteen to twenty minutes of the night is either where all the hardwork and binge drinking pays off or the night ends in a stomach punch loss. I don't care how long ago you blacked out, pull it together for this time period. Your buddies may be thinking food, that's a bad idea. Letting this chick get sober only hurts your buddies chances and increases the chance of bringing unwanted company into the picture. If need be it's time to break up the band for the night send Starsky and Hutch elsewhere. (Remember now is the time to pawn off the fatty, hopefully if you got the fatty drunk enough the ugly one will tail off with her.) If at any point in the night you get a chance to split the defense do it. Remember the loyal girlfriend trusts you wingman so you can easily bring all four back to your buddies place just to chill out. (Making sure you have a quality late night place is essential most of the underlying aspects of being a good wingman go in before the drinking so take care of the pre game essentials, why do you think the Patriots have won so many Super Bowls? PLANNING PLANNING PLANNING). Once you get back to the place a DVD is a great idea. Passing out right when you get back is unacceptable. Eventually in the right situation the loyal girlfriend gets on the phone with her boyfriend and in a perfect world calls a cab. Either way it's time to make your way back to the living room with her. At this point in time it's time for Karl Malone to put the biscuit in the basket. Your work is done and tomorrow awaits respect and admiration from your peers.
So folks that just a brief rundown of the basic aspects of playing second fiddle. Remember your the captian of the team, but your not the star. The world has enough scorers but not enough wingmen. Remember your ability to hook up your friends with chix you dont wanna get, will always lead to rewards (first one to get called for extra tickets, free drinks, complimentary breakfast the next morning.) It should also help you when you find yourself in the situation where you need a buddies assitance. Remember it was my homie JC that said to respect your fellow man.
~grey
when I grow up...
Those of you who know me, know that I am a computer programmer, and I have long joked about becomming a male stripper... ( yes those were jokes ) still with the great career I have as a computer programmer, I’ve reached the point in my life where I’m starting to worry about the future: Jobs, bills, beer money, apartments, girlfriends, wives, girlfriends’ wives, dandelions. It’s enough to drive you insane. What I’m really worried about, I guess, is what I’m going to be when I grow up ( after this whole internet fad dies down ).
I’ve been thinking about this so much that I’ve taken my sixth grade guidance counselor’s advice and compiled my dream list of what I want to be. She’s probably dead now, if it’s true what they say about cigarettes and water bottles full of vodka, but I’m sure she’s enjoying this from her uncomfortable chair in the great teachers’ lounge in the sky (better known as Secondhand Smoke City). I thought many people might be having similar quarter-life crises, or one-third-life crises if they’re Irish. So with no further ado, or at least limited ado, I present my list of dream jobs:
1. BatmanPresently it’s taken, but what a job. Not only are you fighting crime, but you get to drive the batmobile all the time. Sure, that spyderman guy is cool, but I’d rather be Batman any day. He’s the only one whose secret identity actually makes him more desirable to the comic book ladies than his badass superhero persona. Bruce Wayne is rich, famous, and a man more secure with his sexuality might even say he’s handsome. Plus, ( and this is for the B.O.B. ) imagine picking up high school girls in the Batmobile. High school girls love the Batmobile.
2. Professional Baseball PlayerI maintained to everyone that I was someday going to be a major league baseball player up until I turned 19, five years after I gave up little league, three years after I gave up stickball, and one year after I gave up leaving my house. I still have friends that watch a lot of baseball, and I think if I had any talent at all, I would be a hell of a left fielder. Why left field? Because stop asking so many ufcking questions, that’s why!.
3. a flapperdapperdoodleI've got to admit, I made this one up... but basically my definition is, someone who has a rediculous amount of money, and marketabilty, and there is no logical reason for it... think Kato Kalin, Paris Hilton,... you know,.. someone with absolutely no talent, at all, but who is famous because they were in the right place at the right time, or some other benign reason... I'd like to be that...
4. Adam SandlerI’ve never wanted to be Adam Sandler, but after coming up with that “flapperdapperdoodle” word, I thought of how easy it’d be. He just makes up gibberish and he’s like a billionaire. Schnappywappydeeeeee! It takes no effort at all. Flingflangflooooom! Skaboobityboo!
5. AstronautAll kids want to be astronauts at some point, and it’s not just for the bureaucratic nightmares and potential for a fiery death. It’s because Rocketman is a great song. That “ground control to Major Tom” song, that’s a great ufcking song too. Is that one even about space? Okay, so what I’m saying here is that you go through some minor training, get an awesome spacesuit, play Rocketman the whole week before you leave, and you’re set. by then you wont really care if you careen back to earth in a firey ball of flames, and you get to push a lot of buttons in the meantime. What could be better? Don’t answer that.
So basically my life has been a waste. Everything I’ve ever wanted to be, including tall, I’ve failed at. I’m destined to die ( one day ), unhappy and weeping, or very happy in some brazilian motel room, HBO that I was going to deny ordering in the morning blaring on the nailed-down television. I’m not going to be a baseball player, Adam Sandler, or Batman, and unless things change, even the simple task of going to space seems out of reach. At least I decided on two safe, reliable fallback careers... thank god, pantomime, and ventriloquism never get old...
stuff: Ways to remember peaoples names... ( I'm bad at this )
Turn your PC into a mac in 7 easy steps
Spammer beat to death...
Wining and dinning is the best way to woo women
The democrats just realizes that they dont really know what they stand for... ( you guys really had to lose twice to George W. Bush before you could figure that out?!?! )
the 10 stupidest rules in sports...
chinese girls soccer practice ( video )
~grey
the end of the world as we know it...
For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.Important news: ( with grey's comments ) Supreme court: Judge John Roberts bashing
Grey Says: It is hard to beleive the president could find someone so borring the best thing democrats have against him, is his defense of police officers cuffing a 12 year old for eating a french fry... In the democrats defense, I heard it was one of those really big steak fries...
Oh wait, Roberts is also light on the tech sector...
Grey Says: This is hard to beleive since the last guy we had in Washington as borring as Roberts "invented" the internet... ( go Al Gore )
Apparently, that dude shot to death in London was not "directly connected to terror attacks"
Grey Says: Damn... I mean Damn... this is gonna be tough to explain... I mean unless some LAPD guys were in town training undercover british agents... I have heard the arguments, he ran from police, and he was being followed from a suspected terrorist hideout, but to be honest, they were police who weren't in uniform... I mean there are places in So Cali, where you do run from people who tell you to stop, or else someone comes up on your nikes...
Lighter stuff
if World War ][ was an internet online multi-player game
recycling advertising campaigns
MSN wipes apple from earth
the worlds smallest MP3 player
Holy Sh!t batman... an Open Source Beer... there is a God, and he loves Linux, ( but prolly uses freeBSD on his home PC... )
Last thing: Big up's to Norm this weekend for beating this huge black dude at jujitsu...
~grey out
it's gettin ugly...
I think the world is ready for the story of an ugly duckling, who grew up to remain an ugly duckling, and lived happily ever after.it's the city of chino,
the state of cunfusion,
the style I'm usin, is free
or prolly it would be, if my mind was,
see I'm behind cause,
I didn't handle my functions,
while in high school..
although I is cool
I am not filthy, nor am I rich
aint that a bitch, like life is
not your wife is,
see thats your better half...
do your math, and peep that 2 halfs make a whole
and all I have to hold is my self pride...
Personal updateMuch love to my lil sister Sonja, we went out last night and just kicked back... Steve and Conrad met up with us... pretty chill night... Me Steve, and Sonja all hung out,and steve didn't even get stabbed in the leg...
thats how it should be...
News and stuff:
Not ufcking around in London: Police wrestle a man to the ground, and then shoot him to death, all this while the ACLU complains about bag searches in New York...
Programmers say video games need a female touch, while most gamers just want to be touched by a female...
the average worker is intterupted every 3 minutes
Otra' cosas:
Steve if fighting in his first jujitsu tourney tomorrow, I plan on hitting that up, and I gots to take some vacatioon soon... that is all...
~grey out...
Happy Birthday Honey...
Looks like the wifey finaly is of age to go out and party with the Big Boys. Now all we have to do is have her get some more hot friends that like Geeks.
Happy Birthday Harm...
I would post more stuff... but I'm still looking up Movie Quotes
So if you could please help me out by letting me know what some of your favorite movie quotes are by adding a comment to this post... thanks(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
Wed... the 20th...
first things first... Happy 21st Harmony... I gotta say, it's about ufcking time though, I was getting tired of bringing beer to bob... ;)
Now on to other stuff...
Yesterday I went to court because
I was fighting a speeding ticket... The C.H.P. guy didn't show, so I got let off, but I had to wait at court till after 11:00... oh well, still better than having to pay and getting a point, on my license....
there is really not a whole lot of news, or interesting ishh for me to post today, so bear with me...
The humanoid robot... we are getting pretty close to making something that could be a human companion...
Fold and drop... to me, this technology looks ultra dumb... but I guess time will tell...
Hey miss wallace... the crooked L.A. cops know who killeed your son, and rap mogul, but we aren't gonna tell you ( VIVA EL 2PAC! )
London schools consider banning the word "fail" because it is too hard on kids... ARE YOU UFCKING KIDDING ME?!?! you know the kids call eachother faggots, and queers, and say you stink, and crap like that, but a teacher can't say you failed?!?! get the ufck out of here you stupid rat bastards... why do people even bother persuing stuff like this... it is REDICUKRAZY!!! this is so stupid...
"Show me a man who never failed and I'll show you a man who never tried anything hard enough"
~Allen Waimsley
"I have not failed 10,000 times. I have successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work"
~Thomas Edison
Police send nude shopper home with warning... ( those crazy europeans )
If girls remain virgins, the government will pay for their schooling... ( those crazy Africans )
Town approves pigeon coop for Mike Tyson, after he threatens to bite off every last ear in the whole town... ( Chris Tucker seen on angel dust cooing, "thats why I be like, ufck Hector" )
well we'll call that a post...
~grey-tness out
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY FINEST
Well it is my wifes 21st birthday and we all know in this world that there is only two birthdays that count one is the 18th which means it is legal for you to go to strip clubs and the other is the 21st birthday so you can drink
heineken. Even though my wife has probably felt 21 for years now it is important to know she will actually be using her
real id now. Grey, Norm, and I pitch in and bought her a bitchin
digital camera in which she loved as much as she does Norm, which is alot. To conclude I love you Harm and I hope you have the best 21st birthday and that our vegas trip be one to remember forever and not NORM being passed out drunk and snoring and Grey going home when the the strip lights up.
SPORTSTHE
DODGERS F@$$ SUCK SO BAD I CAN'T EVEN WATCH ANYMORE
NORM YOU WERE RIGHT F#%$ U
NEWSWTF
Colin Farrel has a sex tape he does not want put out. I agree with Grey on this one, there is only two reasons why a guy would care if a sex tape was put out of them.
1. There thang thang is really small
2. They are a two pump chump
We will all find out a LITTLE about Colin on the internet as soon as someone gets a hold of it.
FYI NONE OF THE SPYDER-FONIX CREW HAVE THAT PROBLEM SO WOMEN IF YOU HAVE A TAPE OR PICTURES GO AHEAD AND POST IT IT WILL JUST BOOST UP OUR GAME THANK YOUWell I am out got to work but HAPPY BIRTHDAY FINEST
LETS GET DRUNK.
THE B.O.B
I cannot sleep...
I know that I should sleep, and I am kinda tired, but I can't sleep... and I didn't even party tonight... It was C-Rad's b-day n' we did a lil partyin' on Sunday night.
12:51 in the morning... I gotta find a job closer to home... monster.com here I come
weekend review, and news...
Weekend review: So I gotta say this last weekend was a pretty good one... Friday night hooked up and talked with Marky for a while, Saturday I went out to venice beach, and then saw wedding crashers, and sunday me and Norm went to lunch, then I went to a comming home party for this guy I know who is in the Army, church, and then Anthonys b-day kick back with Norm, & BOB...
The wedding crashers was a little bit too long, but there were some pretty decent funny parts, and I think it's worth seeing. Saturday night I was watching
this police persuit that took like 4 hours... It was so long, the helicopters had to refuel, and they had to change out police cruisers like 4 or 5 times... and the news ended before the chase did so I didn't get to see how it ended I had to read about it ( channel 13 news are a bunch of teases, and the female anchor might be hot but she's an idiot. ) It was crazy though becasue about half way through the chase, people were lining up over freeway overpasses to watch it... thats california for you, we aren't really afraid of too many dangerous situations. Riots, landslides, fires, earth quakes, police persuits, crazy celebs... we are down for whatever... MAN! I love living here...
news: Wedding bells aren't ringing, as I get older and older, I start to think when I was a child I really was wise far beyond my years... Looks like the marriage rate is decreasing, and as a biproduct, so is the divorce rate... this is the weirdest quote from the article...
"Cohabitation is here to stay," says David Popenoe, a Rutgers sociology professor and report co-author. "I don't think it's good news, especially for children," he says. "As society shifts from marriage to cohabitation - which is what's happening - you have an increase in family instability."
to me that doesn't make a whole lotta sense... becasue it would imply, that a divorce doesn't screw up a faimly as much as cohabitation... oh well... I think society will prove me right on this one in the long run...
( FYI: I am not against marriage, I am 110% against divorce )
Bush says he will fire any law breakers in connection with the Plame leak... I will bet big money right now Rove doesn't get fired... and the whitehouse puts some new spin definition on the words "law breaker"... you know... kinda like they did with prisoners of war, and "enemy combatants" ( gotta love the government )
Teacher claims insanity for screwing 14 year old boy student... Yowza! that teacher is hot... I'd be trying to get ddetention if I was her student... her lawyer is basically arguing "she is too pretty to be in jail"... ARE YOU UFCKING KIDDING ME!?!?! that is no srgument, and I hope she goes away for a few years... Not becasue I think she really did anything too wrong, and I know the 14 year old isn't gonna be traumatized, but guys get put in jail every stinkin day for Stach, and so you gotta be fair... PLUS, she cheated in her husband with a 14 year old student!!!! sorry b!tch, go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200....
Porn drive makes audience sit up and notice.... uhhh... crazy Indians...
Poor kids can't get good jobs because they can't afford to take a non-paying intern job
Nerd TV almost here
Traveling back in time now theoretically possible... remember that comment before about how I thought I might be wise beyond my years... Well I told people this would be possible when I was a senior in high school taking highschool physics... ( point grey )
dont laugh, it's cool to be a nerd now...
( that wise beyond my years thing is getting scary now )
~grey out
Vegas Baby...
Is there a difference between a NERD... and a GEEK... f'n a right there is a difference-- Do we live in a Democracy or do we live in a Republic?... here are some Answers... more about Republics and Democracy...Forms of Government
-- I'll be in Vegas this weekend with my bro and the pops... thw WSOP is going on... but Anna Benson is not playing anymore... dropped toooo many f' boombs
-- Speaking of the WSOP... here are the Top 10 famous bad beats... anyone up for a home poker game?
-- The 50 coolest on-screen rides... many badass rides on this list... and a couple that are weaksauce
The Monkey did a lot better than me... the bigger they are the harder they fall... The Bull +1... norm 0
-- I've got dibs... where did it come from... who cares as long as I get another Heineken
-- There is now a reason to watch the new Chainsaw Massacre movie... Jordana Brewster
-- Looks like there's gonna be a sequel to the bomb ass movie... the Usual Suspects
-- Brad Pit just got a lil cooler... he doesn't know who the skinny Lindsay is
46 minutes and I'm off to Vegas
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
One Step Further
Movie quotes are great, but to understand the power of most of them, you have to understand the context they were said in, so how about the greatest Movie scenes of all time... RETAINER...
here's a few suggestions to get things started:
the above clip, duh...
Ace ventura Pet detective when nature calls - when he comes out of the Rhinos ass. ( funny as hell, but no other real value )
when Will farrel shoots himself in the neck in Old School ( classicly funny )
the fight scene in Kids - one of the greatest fight scenes ever
when they have to shoot old yeller in Old Yeller - one of the saddest moments in movie history, rivaling when Bambi's mom got shot
the fight scenes in both bridgett Jones diary movies - ( okay at first glace this seems kinda gay, but watching two white guys fight, how white guys really fight was GREAT! )
more later...
~grey out
I'm not giving up...
I still want to create a list of MY favorite movie quotes. I've got a good list going, and I wanted all of your help to see that I touch all my bases. If you have any good movie quotes please leave me a comment with the quote or quotes...or post and give me a list of some of your favorite movie quotes.
I'll start you off... these are not on the list offically... but they are on my "work in progress list"
'How do you like them apples?' - Will Hunting, Good Will Hunting
'I gotta take a leak so bad I can taste it.' - Bob MacKenzie
'Love, it's a motherfucker, huh?' - Waiter, Old School
'Buncha savages in this town.' - Randal Graves, Clerks
'Chopper, sic balls!' - The Writer, Stand by Me
'The first rule of Fight Club is we don't talk about Fight Club.' - Tyler Durden, Fight Club
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
OK BIATCH
Norm says I never post but honestly I don't feel I have the same grade A quality of posting as Norm and Grey but I will post to get my women off my back kinda like giving my wife money to leave me alone.
VEGAS TRIP If you don't know by now we are goin to vegas the THE B.O.B
scored a sweet room for him and his wifee.
My wife is turnin 21 finally which is resulting into my favorite saying which I have not even used yet
"Women go to the store and get me some beer"
Man I can not wait to say that.
I don't know the official plan of vegas but do you need one?
HOCKEYMan why do these reports have to be denied I need
hockey back like 9000.
BASEBALLHere is a list of baseball players that got
shafted and I mean about the all-star game not in a movie or book written about what men they have been with. Sorry Norm I know you would love to know about all the gay players in sports.
Speakin of all-star game does anybody care I don't I think they shoud get rid of all-stars all it does is make the owners pay those guys more.
HURRY UP NORM
Brad Pitt has the flu go consule Angelina and tell her it is alright Norm is here.
There you go biatches.
THE B.O.B
I'm from Chino and proud of it...
Looks like the next spyder-fonix.com road trip is going to be in Sin City. This is the first time that we have ventured out of the state. We are going up to celebrate a few things... The B.O.B., norm, and Mel's birthdays are all within a week or so... but the main reason is that someone very special is turning the lovely age of 21 in just a week from now.
Not only are we going to Vegas, but we got some tickets to the Free SpikeTV UFC show going on that weekend. UFC + Crazyhorse II + norm = good time in Vegas
-- Scarlett Johansson was already top 10 but this may have bumped her into the top 5... quote of the story... "I'm not wearing this cheap bra. I'm going naked."
-- On that same subject... Lin Lin says that she will never do a nude scene... falls out of the top 10... but then again she is toooo skinny and on a diet of cocaine and diet pills
-- Good news and bad news... Kelly Kaposki gets married is bad news... Nadia from American Pie gets a divorce is good news
-- Jennifer Ellison fractured here collar bone... don't panic her chest is still ok
-- Ralph Wiggum Soundboard... here you go Simpson's geeks
-- Dude bowled a 279... backwards... I can bowl good for about 3 pitchers or so
-- How much is a gazillion?
In NFL news... the annual Rookie Symposium is underway... this is where rookies get prepared for NFL life and challenges. The symposium's agenda will cover topics like: family issues, personal finance, personal conduct, success in the NFL and life after football, life experiences, and life as a rookie... I think that these topics would be more useful for the guys: Baby Mamas; Don't Buy Your Boys West Coast Customs H2's with Your Signing Bonus; Murders, Drug Deals, & Domestic Violence Are Bad News; The Average NFL Player Shelf Life is 4 Years; Ron Mexico and You; and Get Me Some Water Rookie.
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
street poet
kinda tired today... but oh well... you just get a bunch of random crap without my typical witty bantor...
Stuff: Slashdot is like the coolest site ever... News for nerds, and livley debate about education.
This is perhaps the stupidest law suit ever... a bus company sues 10 maids becasue they car pool to work ( originally it was pointed out that this case parrallels the SCO Linux case, but no one but me cares so... )
this is kinda weird, but I know lots of 10 year olds who wish they had a pay pal account
Bad bad year book mistake, but caption "technically" accurate
looking for insurrance ??? I've heard these guys are dicks
dimes must die... this guy hates dimes... the dime eating the baby is funny though...
~grey out...
The weekend in review
QOTD: I'm about to make this computer short circut, this post is wack as ufck, I guess it fits you perfectThis weekend was pretty kick back for me...
Friday night was pretty much a blur... I remember stopping by Norms house to pick up a CD he burned for me, and then going to sleep, but thats about it.
Saturday I got up kinda early, and went to my moms house, to move some stuff, and to install MS office on her computer. By the way, there is really no longer a need for MS office when you can get
OpenOffice for free, and it's smaller, and it installs faster... just FYI...
After that I came home and got ready to go to a wedding... the wedding was cool, really quick, good food, and pretty chill atmosphere, but I spent some money on a hotel room that I didn't stay in... ( which is a whole nother anoying/confusing/frustrating story ) Overall the wedding was good, even though I did get asked
"when are you gonna get married?" about 10 times, and each time was met with the dissaproving looks when I gave my standard answer, "Never"... I realize you should never say never so I did also throw in some happen stances, like:
1. I'll get married right after the girl I am dating wins the power ball lottery.
2. once I find a girl who will stay with me until death, and only death, makes us part.
3. Or once I find a double jointed super model who owns a brewery and grows her own pot, and has an open minded twin sister... ( but even in that case, it would just be a common law marriage )
Sunday, I went shopping, an got some new shoes... went to church, and ended my weekend playing Golf on my roomates PSP... good weekend just too short...
News ( with commentary by Grey ): School ditching text books for net.. Laptops must be covered in brown paper or other suitable medium.
Grey Commentary: I think this is a good idea, but from my experience, teachers who have been teaching for more than 5 or 6 years, are hesitant to use the internet over more traditional teaching mediums, and almost always are fairly computer illiterate. I mean you wouldn't send a teacher into a class room, who didn't know how to sharpen a pencil or erase a white board, but we would send teachers into a classroom teaching with 20 laptops, and they have no idea how to upgrade memory, and don'tt know the difference between download, upload, and install. ( I seriously just pissed off 37% of all the teachers reading this, I also seriously just made up 100% of that statistic )
Most students shun college gap year, even though research shows they should take a year off...
Grey Commentary: gap year, no gap year... the U.S. puts WAY too much faith on higher education... Norm, and Grey are putting in more "gap years" to shore up the average...
Are madness, and Genius related ?
The new sesame street
Grey Commentary: The world is a ufcked up place when the cookie monster has to stop eeating cookies... maybe the reds were right, maybe we all are a bunch of capitolist pigs...
Cow free beef, Veggie burgers surrender... still no cure for cancer, aids, blindness... etc...
Grey Commentary: why would scientists do this?.. is this a big problem we are having..?? beef eaters who dont like cow ??? WTF people ?!?!
first there was the make your own AC using a fan, Now make your own heater using a BBQ
Grey Commentary: is there anything copper piping cant do ?
U.S. workers claim to waste 2 hours a day surfing the net.
Grey Commentary: Grey and Norm again working to increase the average.
The Top 10 downloads of the past 10 years
Grey Commentary: I do not know how the naked pics of your mom didn't make the list... Everyone I know has downloaded those...
Last thing(s)
Scientology. It’s doing something right. Tom Cruise is dating Katie Holmes. Holy Crap! The guy is 42 and dating one of the hottest girls in the entire world. Before that he dated Penelope Cruz and Nicole Kidman. Scientology has never looked less dumb to me. I don’t know anything about the religion other than it was created by some science fiction writing wacko on crack, but give me a pamphlet or something.
I call first dibs on Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s First Daughter. There’s no joke here. I just want to put it in print. So back off!
Oprah is a White Man. Maybe it’s just a theory, but just think about it…years ago, some rich white businessman got the idea to create a television personality that was a black woman with a fluctuating weight problem so that all women could relate to her and buy things she tells them to. Everyday he wakes up, puts on his ridiculous Oprah costume and goes to work to collect his 5 billion dollar paychecks. Then on the weekends, he parties with bikini clad 18-year-old girls. That bastard!
~grey out
weddings...
Norm, and I both went to weddings this weekend, but for different people... the free Heinekin was Great!!!
now it is a pretty well known fact that I am not planning on getting married, and because of that people think that I don't like, or even worse, dont beleive in weddings / marriage. That is very untrue... I really do like weddings... I just dont want to have a wedding for myself... thats all... But just so I can finally put the rumors to rest, here is my list of why I like weddings.
Weddings provide free food, and very often some amount of free alcolhol... Free heinekin = good heinekin.
Typically you can get free cake, with good frosting, not that cheap oily crap they have at albertsons, that you get for office birthdays.
Old men love weddings, I think this is because they are amazed that men today are dumb enough to get married. Yep, the fathers, grandfathers, uncles, and older men in general spend many 'o drunken hours pointing, giggling and laughing at the groom, when he is not looking, and even to his face.
For some unexplicable reason, Girls like weddings... Normally I wouldn't include this one on my list, because technically this is not a reason I like weddings... However, if you have dated some of the girls I have dated you know that it is nearly impossible to please them, so any enjoyment you can get ( like weddings in this case ) you take.
There is almost always someone drunker than you ( if Norm is reading this, skip this one, it doesn't apply to you )
Durring the bouquet toss, you get to see single girls fight over flowers, that you didn't have to buy...
~grey out
I'm out...
I'm off to SLO to go to my cousin's wedding... See you guys on Sunday...
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
Happy 4th...
Happy 4th of July everyone...
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
the 4th, and fireworks
Ah the 4th of july... you know
Chino is like the only city in a 20 mile radius where it is okay to do fireworks... gotta love that...
so in the spirit of a holiday where pryo's rule the night I am providing some spyder-fonix safety tips for everyone...
Firework Safety tips:
Always buy fireworks from reliable resellers. Do not be fooled by the fireworks stands that pop up a month before the 4th, typically these are manned by local volenteers trying to raise money for sports boosters, or some local charity... No... the only reliable stuff comes from people in mexico who dont wear shoes. These people work year round producing M80's, bottle rockets, and Roman candles, but rarely ever are missing fingers or toes despite the lack of protective equipment. Thats reliability.
If you have children, you should be extra carefull with fireworks,... No sence in you losing one of your limbs... It is a well known fact that small children tend to heal better than adults... so hand over the matches and bottle rockets to little timmy, pull up a lawn chair, kick back, and enjoy the show in safety...
remember to keep a bucket of water or hose near by. Becasue of the nature and randomness of fireworks it is always a good idea to have a way to put a damper on a nieghbors foreworks show if he/she becomes a show off... This isn't Christmas you bastards, there are no points for making your house the brightest, so don't try to out do me, or I will release the "water god".... ( if you lack a bucket of water, or garden hose, I have heard that about 3 or 4 drunk guys can accomplish about the same thing if they have had enough beer )
Never try to relight the fuse of a "dud" firework This will almost always fail, and when it doesn't it will leave you prescious little time to get into a "safety zone" before the firework may go off... rather than trying to relight the fuse, we suggest you keep some flamble airosol product such as hair spray or WD-40, to completely engulf the "dud" firework in flames. this way even if it is a dud, you can get a pretty decent show out of it...
well I hope everyone has a safe 4th....
~grey out...
Amateur Bullriding...
Grey said that there are no Puerto Rican bullridersNorm: Hey Grey are you gonna do the amateur bull riding next month… it’ll be cool.
Grey: Oh hell no… I ain’t gonna do that. You know that Puerto Rican’s don’t ride bulls.
Lady Sitting Next To Grey: Why do you say that? Are you Puerto Rican? Cause I am.
Grey: Well then do you ride bulls?
Lady Sitting Next To Grey: No!
Norm: I do… I did two years ago.
Grey: Hey Norm... are you Puerto Rican?
Norm: No.
Grey: Then I guess I am correct. Puerto Rican’s don’t ride bulls.
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
