honesty...
I wish people were more honest... not really about important stuff like the reasons we go to war, or why gas costs so much when we invade iraq, but about little non importnat stuff like:
Paris Hilton looks like she got hit by a truck. Why the fuck to so many people think she is hot? I just don't understand. I mean, look at her. It's as if she got badly mauled by a cougar as a young child and plastic surgery couldn't remove all the deformities - even with the billions of dollars the Hilton's have.
A lot of people piss in the shower. Sometimes you just have to go and you all know that the running water doesn't help the situation. I mean, it does have a floor drain.
Nobody cares about reality TV. I am sick of all these reality TV stars getting so much god damn coverage. They are just normal people that kissed abnormal amounts of executive butt in order to appear on television. Not that is much different than most regular Hollywood stars, but at least they can pretend to know how to act.
your mom is fat, I just wish "your mom" jokes were still funny...
Girls will listen to songs like India Aries "video" , or Christina Aguileras "Beautiful", and they will swear up and down that they love those songs, but then they will swear they need to diet, and get fake boobs...
Linux is so much ufcking better than windows, it has come of age, and even IT people dont admit it...
Windows source code isn't worth the paper you would print it out on... maybe when windows 95 came out, but that was a decade ago, now it should just be used as a tool for how NOT to program, or as really nerdy toilet paper.
~grey
Happy birthday Mommy...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOMMYlove your baby boy...
mondays are for chauncy
Stop!, hammer time...
News & views: by Matt
Skool iz cool:
A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can`t place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?" She replies, "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children." His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful. "Holy crap," he says, "Are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my behind?" "No," she replies, "I`m your son`s English teacher." American children are irresponsible and stupid, because their parents dont let them grow up, just ask college's...
far be it from me to defend schools, but I do think it is time some of them grew some balls and stood up to parents who complain.. I am totaly convinced your kids can get straight A's at any southern california school if your mom and dad bitch enough about their teachers... apparently this is also becomming the case in college...
Kids now allowed to drop the F-bomb in class...
All I can say is it is about fucking time... I have been saying for years that their is no such thing as a bad word... a word is not bad, it is how you use it, and if you say something is "fucking beautiful", that should not be considered bad ( 1 point for greay AGAIN being wise far beyond his years )
65 girls at area highschool pregnant...
this is so sad, but you had to know when britney spears does something a grip of teen girls are gonna follow, YOU SUCK BRITNEY
Law and oder
when stealing gasoline by siphon, it's prolly not the smartest idea to use a cigarette lighter to see what you are doing... blow torch also a bad idea...
'nuff siad
Man to fight woman in boxing match
if you ask me this dude got himself into a lose/lose situation...
Good to know:
coffee more healthy than fruits and vegetables
scrawny pale shaky scientist everywhere rejoice
Open office kicks MS office ass
I know no one but me cares, but this will soon be another point for the "Matt is wise beyond his years" tally
Norm looking for a stripper he met
Edward 40 hands T shirt
~grey out...
Up late again...
Why do I do it? It's almost 2:30 and I gotta get up in less than 3 hours. I left the Basco almost 3 hours ago, and I cannot get to sleep. I think that I gotta get rid of my tv. I watch the Iron Chef and then SportsCenter... dunno. I think that Friday is gonna be a lot better day for me... I'm gonna be outta Chino, but lets see if I'm gonna go east or west... gotta remember that I gotta go to work on Saturday... sucks for me
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
( insert title here )....
Welcome to another wonderfull episode of "who grey see's drunk when he is out on the town"...
lets meet our contestants...
first contestant is... "crying girl on a cell phone", she enjoys fixing relationship problems while completely plastered...
contestant number two, comes to us from his parents basement, lets have a warm welcome for "high five guy". cause who couldn't use a good high five every now and then.
moving right along, contestant number 3 loves to punch people in the face over really important things like a hair cut, or if you put your collar up, lets give it up for "fight anyone guy"...
next up we have "heard of underage drinkers", they enjoy traveling in groups to the nearest house party to wait in line for Natural Ice or Milwaukee's Best, while being kicked in the nuts, and talked down to.
what would this show be without "Philosophical slurring drunk" he has the answer to everything and especially enjoys getting into lighthearted discussions about subjects such as politics, religion, and abortion.
and finally we have
"Too much too quick guy" typically trying to show off early in the night with successive shots or double beer bongs, he is most commonly recognized as the guy passed out on the couch with a fake moustache and penis drawn on his face.
lets start the game shall we...
I posted it before but if you haven't read it I highly recommend the flying spaghetti monster theory of alternative design
Looks like norm is gonna have to cancel that trip to singapore
turns out the religious zealots in america are just as bad as they are in the rest of the world... Pat Robertson needs to be hit in the face...
I dont know if he did the tat wrong on purpose, maybe he is just a bad speller, serves you honkeys right for getting something on your body you cant read...
( high five guy, gives tatoo artist a high five )
a fire truck catches fire.
nuns gone wild
Boy creates hamster powered cell phone charger, no big surprise this story is posted on "virgin.net"
( this one is for you B.O.B. )
fantasy football players are worse than trekies
thanks for playing
~grey out
long time no post
it's monday...
So this last weekend for me was pretty cool... I was comming off of a 3 day vacation from work, I got to go to the beach, and hang out at the pool... but I missed UFC... oh well... sh!t happens... I heard Chuck won though... go ice man...
Nerdy Joke of the day: Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
News n Views: ( by Grey )
Video games linked to aggression in boys... thats why I LOVE GTA... because after I play it, and I drive, I'm always thinking "ufck you!, you ufcking ufcks", and then I drag them out of their car, punch them in the face, and start driving...
( now some older news I haven't had a chance to comment on yet )
Gas prices too high, buy a scooter... I was thinking about buying a motorcycle, or Vespa, but I decided I would really rather have a car... Anyways, I think it's crazy that we can invade the country that has the second most oil in the world, and here we are running out of it... thats like invading Europe, and running out of white women... I mean, what the ufck is going on here ?!?!
The John Roberts nomination to the supreme court... The first negative comment I heard about the John Roberts nomination was something to the effect of
"I dont like the fact that Bush is replacing a female with a man, Sandra Day Oconner empowered women, with descisions like Rowe VS Way but now it's like some of the power will be taken away"
First let me say I am 100% against abortion... but I am not a woman so really does my opinion matter that much ??? I mean I will never be in the position where I could have an abortion... but that being said, I think everyone who thinks "the womans right to choose", is empowering to women, must also realize that it strips power from men... I am against abortion in all shapes, and forms, and at a minimum, I think if it took a man and a woman to create a baby, it should also take a man AND a womans opinion to destory one.
Cindy Sheehan... for those of you who have been living under a rock, Cindy Sheehan is the lady who is camping out outside Bush's ranch in Texas, waiting to speak with him, and tell him to end the war in Iraq... Now I dissagree with the war in Iraq as much as the next red blooded american, but Cindy, you are not honoring you sons memory by doing this... you see: your son was a volenteer, in a 100% volenteer army... The president did not make him go over to Iraq, and get himself killed, any more than the president could make Norm and myself, that was your sons decision, and he was a grown man, raised by you... If there is blame to be placed for him being killed, I say the blame rest squarely on his shoulders... besides you have already met face to face with the president, I agree with your beef but, you shame us all by persuing it in such a childish, "finger pointing" manner...
as always please direct all hate mail to matthewf@spyder-fonix.com
Funner stuff:
Giant handmade sword made out of beer cans
Jesus Rocks
the worst woman drivers
Male and Female bar translations
~grey out
Up all night...
UH... is there a reason why I keep on staying up sooooo late. I'm just sorta tired, but not tired enough to go to sleep. I know that I gotta get up in about 3 hours... n' I'm on the internet and watching SportsCenter. WTF am I thinking?
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
southern states VS France ( who to hate more ??? )
Ahhh.. the joys of being American... for as messed up as it is, this country is great... Sure we can be big headed, and rude, and "know it alls" but we dont have people trying to escape our borders by the 1000's like our freinds to the south... Sure the rich get richer, and the poor get taken advantage of, and our public health care sucks, but it is still the best damn country on earth... That being said, there are certain groups of people that make us americans look stupider than we actually are... I dont want to point fingers, and name names, but you know who you are ( Florida )... I guess it's not entirely their fault though, the more you think about it, the more all those southern states really cast a stupidity shadow on the rest of the country...
which brings me to the Evolution debate...
Evolution: Just Teach it
Evolution: Just debate it
The alternate theory
I mean come on Kansas, are you really gonna teach intelligent design in school?... with MY TAX DOLLARS?!?! ( well if I paid taxes, they'd be my tax dollars... )
are you on shrooms ???
I beleive in God as much as the pope does, but I dont see how evolution is contrary to a beleif in God...
One would assume, God is a pretty smart gal/guy. Don’t you think that He/She, when creating the world, would put evolution in place? Kind of a “low-maintenance” plan? It’s a genius system, really. One that may be of divine creation in itself. Why should God upgrade the world every few thousand years? Why not build in an adaptation system (i.e. evolution) to do the upgrading for Him/Her?
thats just freakin anoying that we are all gonna look back on this one day and think "damn, we were stupid", and then maybe we can sell the southern states to France, and hate them like they deserve to be hated...
~grey
happy bday 2 me 2 morrow...
No seriously... tell me...
What are the effects of drinking toooo much alcohol?
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
frydayz
ways to get free beer...
So I was in Vegas this last weekend... and one thing I will never get tired of in vegas are the free drinks... You can sit at the keno lounge and for a $1 ticket, and a $2 tip get 3 free henekins. I don't care what anyone says, a city like that can't be all "sin"...
so, we get back to cali, we gotta pay for brew, some places upwards of $4.00, and I am stuck thinking of ways to get free beer, this is what I came up with... Please note these methods include pre and post drinking age methods...
the older friend: The older friend/sibling is always a good source; he/she can walk right into the store and buy you beer. However, he will usually charge you a "beer run tax" of a beer. Whatever you do, don’t accept a tax refund; that’s where he/she spits the beer back on you.
Fake Eye Dee: Get your friend Dee to walk into a gas station and pick up a case of beer. When the cashier asks her for id, have her pull out her glass eye and place it on the counter. The cashier will be impressed and repulsed and let her leave without even paying for the beer.
The Steal City: This one's a bit extreme. You can't buy beer when you're 18, but you can buy a handgun. Get three. You and your two buddies ( B.O.B. & Norm ) put pantyhose over your faces, storm into a convenience store and yell, "EVERYBODY BE COOL AND NOBODY DIES!" Then grab all the beer you can carry and run out of the store, covered in the blood of the cashier you probably didn't "hafta" shoot. Throw the cops off your trail by also taking some money and beef jerky or whatever.
Beerly Beloved: One place you can always score booze is at an Irish wake. Don't know of any dead Irishmen? Start construction of a transcontinental railroad. The corpses will start piling up soon.
Grand Old Coppery: Obtain an enormous jar of pennies. Have friends and classmates guess how many pennies are in the jar. Whoever gets it right wins 0, but it costs one beer to enter. How many pennies are actually in the jar? The answer is, "Fuck, dude, I dunno. I bet it's a lot, though."
( last one inspired by vegas )
Beer, Far, Wherever You Are: Bet Steve two forties you won't punch Celine Dion in the face. I just got paid for doing something I wanted to do anyways. That's success, pal.
~grey
Golf n' Stuff...
I wonder why nobody has posted this picture yet?
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
Grey finally has a reason to vote...
Brits Fight for Their Right to CleavageEver since we laid the smackdown on Britain's candy ass in the Revolutionary War — thanks for wearing easy-to-spot red coats against snow-white backdrops, ol' chaps! — Americans have had a good relationship with those jolly good fellows across the Atlantic.
And in the spirit of that comraderie — one that has seen us collaborate on everything from the demise of Hitler to the evolution of rock 'n' roll to the ridicule of the French — I implore all Americans to support British barmaids as they fight against a sinister evil disguised as a health ordinance.
That's right, low-cut tops on the job are under attack as the Brits cite skin-cancer concern when lovelies sashay outside to collect empty pint glasses while showing off their twin peaks.
I say, "Let There Be Cleavage!" and I ask all
spyder-fonix.com readers to back The Sun's
Save Our Jugs campaign by tipping heavily to all barmaids who stare down such attacks with guns blazin' and headlights on full bright.
There is a reason why Orange Shorts makes the world go round... they're accompanied by a nice set of twins.
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
Made it back in one piece...
This had to be one of the best Vegas trips ever... the flight home was quick... n' I even made it back with some money... talk about it tomorrow...
wtf am I doing up at 2:30... gotta get up in 2 n' a half hours for work... uhhh
norm
Vegas Baby...
Swingers--[on the way to Las Vegas]Mike: Do you think we'll get there by midnight?
Trent: Baby, we're going to be up five hundy by midnight!
--
Trent: I'm gonna find me two waitresses here and I'm gonna pull me a Fredo.
Mike: Yeah, well they're all skanks.
Trent: What are talking about? Look at all the beautiful babies here.
Mike: The beautiful babies don't work the midnights-to-six on a Wednesday. This is the skank shift.
Trent: Look at all the beautiful honeys here.
--
Trent: There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know that you're money and that you want to party.
--
Trent: Oh Mikey you don't want all that "Pirates Of The Caribbean" horseshit, or the "Rock and Roll Grunge Tip". Guys like you and me gotta kick it here, old school.
--
Trent: Vegas, baby. Vegas.
I'm alittle bit tooo lazy to post anything... so I just messed around with an old photoshop n' her you go... We should be about half way to Vegas this time tomorrow... let's see if The B.O.B. can pull a Fredo.
(\m/)(>_<)(\m/)
"i'm out"
norm
summer time...
Beach volley ball is a great sport... to watch... but playing it kinda sucks... I played last night with some people from my work... and dont get me wrong I had a good time, but we really suck... if we got a point for everytime someone hit the ball, and I'm not talking about hit it good, it coulda gone outta bounds, it coulda hit the net, I mean if we awarded points just simply for making contact with the ball... it woulda still taken us a half hour for one team to get to 15... oh well... the beach was nice...
blowing your mind: Grad student uses wood and alcohol to make Oil... process costs more than current oil, and destroys trees... the Ozone surrenders...
Congress to consider purjury for Palmeiro. quote from the article: "If we did nothing, I think we'd look like idiots. Don't you?" ( insert congress is bunch of idiots joke here )
A homming pigeon gets lost, and gets a ride home on a helicopter, Yes a HOMMING PIGEON... did someone not check refrences on his resume ???
Colorado develops glow in the dark lamps. Turn em on, they light up... turn them off, WHOA!! they still light up... are people getting paid to do this kinda stuff???
NEWS FLASH people who drink are smarter... TAKE THAT YOU MENSA bastards *** grey and norm high five, drink a beer ***
a house is robbed, home owner chases down theif and stabs him, good samaritan sees this, and beats home owner with a shovel, THEN the story gets weird...
Rock star games, the company that brought us Grand theft auto, made a game SURE to take hillary's attention away from the stupid sex scene in GTA san Andreas ( we love you rock star )
Cris Cross would be so proud if they were around today... jump jump
Viennese phrases for americans
Example:
Why don't you just speak American like everybody else?
Wieso kinnt's ia Deppn net wia jeda nuamle mensch a emericen redn?
who invited the nearsighted kid to the pool??
~grey
Tuesday...
Yesterday was fun... I spent allot of time hainging out with my lil sister, and we made carne asada and ate till it hurt...
Also, one of my friends from high school, Leanna, came back into town, so I went to see her... It was weird though, because I showed up in the afternoon, about 4:20pm or so, still very light out, but there was this drunk guy there... And I dont just mean drunk, I mean friggin' plastered... the few words he could manage to speak, were completely incoherent mumbles... his mood swung from sobbing, to giggles, he threw up after getting the hickups, and there were times when I thought he had shit himself... It took me a few minutes to realize... this was not a drunk guy at all, but instead it was in fact a baby... Leanna had a baby...!!! cute lil guy too, ( when he hasn't been drinkin ) Sorry I couldn't stayy too long Leanna, but good to see you...
Matt
No seriously... tell me...
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